One Year Later, “Wiccans” Claim Responsibility for Attack on Asheville Police Department

“So… I guess it worked.” He let the implications sink in.

“That’s crazy.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Should we write a communiqué or something?”

“Good question. This is a whole new ball game. I don’t know what the protocol is.”

“It’s tough, because we’re coming from two different traditions. On one hand, we’re anarchists, and our cultural heritage decrees that we have to make anonymous statements claiming our actions—on the other hand, we’re…”

We both paused, trying to figure out what else we were.

“…Wiccans,” he finished for me, shaking his head in dismay. “We’re fucking Wiccans.”

“Oh god, we are.”

We knew about Wiccans from the anti-globalization movement. They were the older folks dressed colorfully near our black blocs; we respected them, but they seemed a little nutty. Why are older anarchists always so weird? And now that we were getting on in years, we were taking up their mantle.

There were precedents. In 2004, when a gigantic green dragon puppet erupted into flame outside the building hosting the Republican National Convention, Starhawk had suggested that this was caused by the pagan cluster’s spiral dance. I’d heard rumors she did the same thing when a police officer died of a heart attack while attempting to beat up a skateboarder in Philadelphia a little later. Yet to our knowledge, this was the first time in our tenure that anarchists had successfully put a curse on an entire police department.

“What’s the security culture around this? Do we need to post it anonymously? It’s not illegal to cast spells, is it?”

“I don’t think so. We just have to be careful not to leak any technical details, so they can’t remove the curse.”

“Should I leave in the part where we’re hiding in the woods, waiting for that couple to quit their stargazing so we can get our black magic on?”

“Sure, but don’t linger on it. Make it a real communiqué—show them we mean business. And let’s not release it until the next solstice—then we can call for solidarity actions on the anniversary.”

So here goes:

The Anarchist Cabal of Black Darkness claims responsibility for the disruption of the Asheville Police Department throughout the year 2011. The APD is responsible for an ongoing campaign of repression against our comrades, including but not limited to the Asheville 11, as well as other rebels and poor people. As every black magician knows, you can’t dish it out if they haven’t already got it coming.

One year ago, at the peak of a total lunar eclipse on the night of the winter solstice, we performed a ceremony invoking the forces of darkness to protect our comrades and turn the ill intentions of the authorities back upon them. Shortly thereafter, the Asheville Police Department was paralyzed by scandal. Police Chief Bill Hogan announced his retirement amid a state investigation into missing guns, drugs, and money from the department’s evidence room and criticism from all directions. Nearly a year later the APD remains in disarray; many trials have been indefinitely delayed. May the next blow cancel them altogether!

This coming solstice, December 22, we urge our comrades to join us in following up on last year’s action, raining curses down upon all who further the agenda of the state. They must learn that there are forces in this world more powerful than their repugnant servility. With revolutionary greetings,

CABAL OF BLACKEST DARKNESS—OCCULT VENGEANCE CELL

Helpful Appendix: Devil’s Curse against Prosecution

Here is an example of home you might try this at home. Properly performed, the following spell will provoke for the participants a period of nightmares, failed sexual relationships, hopelessness, anhedonia, and extreme wanderlust. The targets of the spell will be completely unable to prosecute the case.

To be performed during dusk, or at the climax of a lunar eclipse.

Abstinence from sexual activity, alcohol, meat, drugs, and cigarettes for a period of two weeks purifies the mind and body of the practitioner. A more vigorous abstinence such as fasting, silence, solitude, or a night without sleep may supplement such abstinence if the ritual must be performed without the time for fullest purification.

Take a moment for quiet contemplation, perhaps investigating passages from Leviticus, maybe even chapter 20. Orient yourself towards the purpose of this rite: revenge, anger, retribution, violence, disruption, confusion, all to serve for the protection of oneself and one’s friends.

Gather all necessary materials in a single box or bag. To begin, say aloud to yourself, “I am mine own god.”

Depart from where you have begun. Go out into the world. Follow the signs that draw you. Watch for swirls of leaves, the movement of birds; listen to conversations of strangers; open yourself to the world. This is the devil, showing you hints of which way to go.

Look and listen for the tree that wishes to offer itself to you. Cast a circle around the chosen tree, preferably with a 29-foot rope to mark the boundaries. Light large candles in the cardinal directions and surround yourself with others if you can. Towards the east say, “Jehova.” Towards the south say, “Adonai.” Towards the west say “Eheieh.” Towards the north say, “Agla.”

Then say, “I proceed to my work in these mysteries to accomplish that which I desire; therefore, in the names aforesaid, I consecrate this piece of ground for my defense, so that no spirit whatsoever shall be able to break these boundaries, for I say: I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, which is, which was, which shall be, the Almighty; I am the First and the Last; and behold I live for ever and ever; and I have the keys of death and Hell.”

Take the hairs you have collected of the individuals involved in the prosecution and wrap them around the nail, and then wrap them in the cloth. If you do not have their hairs, use instead the papers on which you have written the names of these individuals, having been as specific in the naming as possible, and naming each on his own piece. Burn them together, placing them in the censor or sacrificial dish. When all the hair or paper is completely burned, say, “Behold, this is finished.”

Hold the nail above your head and speak in a loud voice:

“Hail Asmoday, the destroyer!

Hail Andras, the murderer!

Hail Flauros, the arsonist!

Hail Shax, the maimer!

Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan!

Liberator and prince of darkness.

Hail Satan!

Fulfill my command, as I call you on this night! My need is great and your powers are strong.

I/we/my friends are engaged in conflict with the regimes of order and obedience: [insert the names of your target(s)]

This nail contains the cursed souls of my enemies,

Those terrible pigs, those abominable fucks, those pieces of shit, those assholes

Groveling bootlickers, bourgeois motherfuckers, murderous tie-wearers, despicable creatures, authoritarian vermin…

See unto it that those I have named do me no further harm, do my friends no further harm, that they fail at their task; that they are blinded; that they are weak; that they make mistakes; that they are fools; that they are disorganized; that they are lazy; that they have no case; that they fail. I declare that for [names of the enemies] I have no love, no care, and give them unto you with no remorse. [They] plan to do and are doing great harm.”

Hammer the nail into the tree, so that it is most fully driven in, while saying, repeating if necessary: “I beseech thee, Asmoday. I beseech thee, Andras. I beseech thee, Flauros. I beseech thee, Shax. I beseech thee, Satan.

“I do require that you aid me and my cause by performing the duties of your office according to the dictates of my words, and in accordance with my will.

“I require that you shall perform that which I have charged you to do all without any interference, harm or destruction to those I love and those I call friend and family.

“Nor shall any beast be subject to any effects from you whatsoever. Further, you shall faithfully and completely fulfill my request given here within 90 days, that I may enjoy the benefits of this charge without trickery, deceit or guile of any kind.

Hail Asmoday, the destroyer!

Hail Andras, the murderer!

Hail Flauros, the arsonist!

Hail Shax, the maimer!

Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan!

Liberator and prince of darkness.

Hail Satan!”

Towards the east say, “Jehova.” Towards the south say, “Adonai.” Towards the west say “Eheieh.” Towards the north say, “Agla.”

Depart.

May your ventures succeed, comrades.

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One Response to “One Year Later, “Wiccans” Claim Responsibility for Attack on Asheville Police Department”

  1. This is hilarious.

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